The name says it all: Assholes gets called that out of contempt for the beachfront homeowners who gate off access at nearby stretches of Surfside Beach, Texas. It sits at the east end of Surfside, breaking closer to shore than Octagon down the coast, and delivers consistent beach break peaks on S and SE swells from waist to slightly overhead. Best wind is N, NW, or W with the swell running. Mid tide is the sweet spot. Crowds are sparse and the vibe is genuinely welcoming, making it the most approachable shortboard option along this stretch. Bottom: sand. Season: late summer through fall, late winter to mid-spring. Consistency: moderate. Fair warning on the water quality: proximity to the Houston shipping channel and Galveston runoff means you will want to think twice after heavy rain.
Lineup is sparse and locals are friendly. The spot's name comes from tension with homeowners, not the surfers themselves. Beginner and intermediate surfers are welcome, and the open beach setup keeps things mellow even when waves are running.
Drive the beach road to the east end of Surfside Beach. Park on the sand. Loose sand can bog a two-wheel-drive vehicle, so low tire pressure or a 4WD helps. No dedicated facilities on the beach. If you are new to the area, ask a local for directions rather than relying on a map pin.
Octagon breaks farther down the coast and tends to be a bit slower, worth checking if Assholes is blown out or flat. The broader Surfside stretch has scattered peaks that can come alive on the same S and SE swells, so a drive along the beach when conditions are on is never wasted.
Forecast by Windy.app
